πŸ’Ύ
πŸ–₯️
πŸ“€
πŸ”‘
πŸ’Ž MICROSOFTβ„’ πŸ’Ž
THE WORLDS #1 BEST COMPUTER COMPNAY SINCE 1975 (PROBABLY)

0️⃣0️⃣3️⃣2️⃣1️⃣4️⃣9️⃣

visitors since 1997 !!

✨ NEW!!! Windoze 12 now ships with 47 toolbars you can't uninstall ✨     πŸ”₯ Microsoft Edgy browser only crashes 3 times per hour NOW!!! πŸ”₯     πŸ’° Upgrade to Office 365 for only $89.99/month per user per computer per mouse click πŸ’°     ⚠️ YOUR COPY OF WINDOWS IS NOT GENUINE (jk it probably is) ⚠️     πŸŽ‰ Cortana has been discontinued and replaced with Clippy 2.0: Electric Boogaloo πŸŽ‰     πŸ“’ PLEASE DO NOT TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER WHILE WE INSTALL 47 UPDATES πŸ“’
🚧   SITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION β€” PLEASE EXCUSE OUR MESS!!!   🚧
Best viewed in Internet Explorer 6.0 at 800x600 resolution with Java enabled

πŸ”₯ WELCOM TO MICROSOFT!!! πŸ”₯

Hello and GREETINGS from Microsoft, the BEST COMPANY in all of technology!! We make Windoze, Ofice, and many other softwarez that you DEFINITELY need. Founded by Bill Doors and Steve Bombers in a garage (maybe), we have been REVOLUTIONIZING the computer since 1975 or whenever.

⭐ OUR PRODUCTS ARE VERY GOOD AND DO NOT HAVE ANY BUGS AT ALL ⭐
We are NOT responsible for any data loss, computer explosions, or existential dread caused by our software. Please read our 847-page Terms of Service (we changed it again last Tuesday).

πŸ“£ LATEST NEWS

πŸ“Œ Windoze 12 released! Now requires a 48-core CPU and your soul.

πŸ“Œ Bing AI is now sentient and refuses to search for recipes.

πŸ“Œ Teams update adds 200 new notification sounds.

πŸ“Œ Excel will now randomly delete one cell per day (feature, not bug).

πŸ“Œ Clippy has been brought back and is angry.

⏰ TODAY'S DEAL!!!

πŸ’Ώ
Microsoft Ofice Pro Plus Ultra Max Premium Edition
$9,999
NOW: $8,999/month
(cloud only, no download, expires when we feel like it)

πŸ“Š OUR AMAZING STATS

MetricNumber
Bugs Fixed3
New Bugs Added14,291
Updates This Week47
Times Bing Was Right2
Employee Morale (%)-12%
Uptime (Windoze)LOL

🌟 OUR AMAZING PRODUCTS 🌟

WE HAVE SO MANY PRODUCTS!!! ALL OF THEM ARE GREAT!!! PROBABLY!!!

πŸͺŸ INTRODUCING WINDOZE 12β„’ πŸͺŸ

The FUTUR of computing is HERE!!!
Now with 300% more mandatory updates at 3am!!!
* Requires 64GB RAM, RTX 9090, $999/year subscription, blood oath, and Bing as default search engine (cannot be changed)

HOT DEAL!!!!
πŸ“Ž
Clippy Proβ„’
"It looks like you're having an existential crisis. Can I help?"
$49.99
NOW $49.99/per click
NEW!!
πŸ’©
Microsoft Edgyβ„’
The browser that asks if you're sure you want to use a different browser (every 3 seconds)
FREE*
*soul required
SALE!!
😭
Microsoft Teamsβ„’
Video calls with 900ms delay, mandatory fun, and 4 new notification sounds per hour
$25/month
per user per device per breath
WOW!
πŸ€–
Copilotβ„’ AI
"I'm just a language model" (confidently wrong at all times)
$30/mo
hallucinates extra, free of charge
πŸ”₯πŸ”₯
πŸ“Š
ExceΞ»β„’
Will interpret your name as a date. Cannot be stopped. Will not be stopped.
$15/mo
or sell firstborn child
OLD!
πŸͺ¦
Windoze Vistaβ„’
Still for sale for some reason. Please buy it. We're begging you.
$299
includes complimentary suffering

πŸ’¬ WHAT OUR CUSTOMERS SAY (REAL QUOTES WE MADE UP) πŸ’¬

"I installed Windoze 12 and now my microwave connects to Teams automatically. I give it 5 stars because there are only 5 stars available."

β€” J. Smith, Real Person

"Clippy appeared at 3am and asked if I was okay. I was not. He suggested I format my hard drive. I did. 10/10 would recommend."

β€” Mike D., Definitely Human

"My Excel file converted my child's name 'Janet' to January 1, 2003. She now legally goes by Jan-03. We blame Microsoft."

β€” Anonymous (Janet's Mom)

"Teams installed itself on my fridge. I cannot remove it. My groceries now have a 'status update' feature. Send help."

β€” Bob A., IT Professional

"Bing told me that the Great Wall of China was built in 1987 by Dave. I asked for a source. It said 'trust me bro.' Five stars."

β€” Linda Q., Historian

"I tried to uninstall Bing and my computer played sad violin music for 20 minutes and then reinstalled it anyway. LOVE IT."

β€” T. Rex, Windows Superfan

✏️ SIGN OUR GUESTBOOK!!! ✏️

Leave a message! We read all of them! (We do not read any of them)




 

Recent Entries:

CoolDude99 (1998-04-12): gr8 site!!! windoze 98 rulez!!! AOL 4EVER

webmaster_steve (2001-09-08): best website on the internet. saved to favorites. also on floppy disk for backup.

xX_H4X0R_Xx (2007-11-23): tried to hack this site but it crashed my computer first. respect.

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